Episode 208: 808s & Heartbreak

Love, you've done your job. You brought me the greatest joy into my life, a feeling that is indescribable. Smiles were a constant gesture. Because of you, because of the feelings that I felt, my life never felt so precious.

Never did I think Love could turn its back on me. Leave me in the cold, not giving me a chance of survival of the heartbreak. I sit here numb to every other feeling but pain. Tears won't stop falling. Never have I felt so much hurt all at once.

All this made me realize how serious this relationship has been to me. I haven't felt this type of pain since I was a teenager. The habits of thinking, blaming myself are so familiar that it scares the shit out of me. This is it for me. He is definitely the one.

What do you do when you're being blamed for something that you know DEEP IN YOUR HEART is untrue? When all that is being asked is to "admit" when you've never done such a thing? I thought about just saying "YES, I DID IT" just to give him what he wants. But how is that fair to me? even more to him when the truth is no where near such a thing. I could never do something like that to him especially when He was the one that I could see myself growing old with. Too soon to say? I don't think so. Not when the feelings are so pure and true.

He's been feeling pain based on lies. Lies that changed his view of me being the realest to fake in .5 seconds. How do you continue to love someone when all you do is get a reminder of pain each time you see them? I NEVER did ANYTHING to hurt you. Your love is the most important thing to me. I would never want to jeopardize what I had by doing something so foolish.

I'm dying to hear from you. To hug you. To smell you and not rely on my pillows and blankets. To see that real smile of yours. Please believe me. I'm not lying to you. Every drip of blood in my body is speaking the truth.